soberrycuttttteee!

the only part that didnt make me cry haha <3<3<3<3

deep drunk conversation

trick ass bitch: "whats your birthday?"
pg: "idk when's my birthday?"
tab: "you dont even remember your birthday?!"
pg: "do u remember my birthday?'
tab: "hahahhahah perla!"

Summer o9

they say summer love is fleeting, but sometimes what starts as a fling,
can lead to the real thing.
a simple trip to beach can be all it takes to clear our heads and open our hearts.
and write a new ending, to an old story.
there are those who got burned by the heat, they just want to forget and start over,
while there are others that want each moment to last forever.
everyone can agree on one thing:
tans fade, highlights go dark, and we all get sick of sand in our shoes,
but the end of summer is the beginning of a new season.
so we find ourselves looking to the future...

...you ain't seen nothing yet.

I'm hanging high

Oh thunder in my heart
This razor's cutting sharp
And leaves me with an ever bleeding scar
So soft, so suddenly
So that I can not breathe
I'm drawn into a circle painted black
Oh I'm hanging high
Oh won't you let me down
Back where I started at
You know I'm a little lost
And when it hurts the most
I'll push a little more
I'm back where I started at
You know I'm a little lost
Like lightning in my heart
A kiss so burning hot
I'm hanging on a thread that's bound to drop
Like rain on open skies
Don't know the reason why
But I'll always choose the black in front of white
Oh I'm hanging high
Oh won't you let me down
Back where I started at
You know I'm a little lost
And when it hurts the most
I'll push a little more
I'm back where I started at
You know I'm a little lost

solitude

i'm doing fine
i dance alone
with my head high
oh soltiude it's all sublime
to swing along
the choice is mine
to wait my lover's plane
delay my love, i'll wait

i want to tear u apart, tear u to shreds... limb by limb

cowardly pretending

i think it takes courage to be able to sit there and pretend like everything is fine. when i get anxious, i scratch the hell out of my arms or my legs, its the next best thing i can do, apart from the obvious- which isnt so obvious to any one
im glad im still alive

I'm not gonna let you

make me feel bad for the things I said. I meant them, and I'm not taking them back.

discomfort

im gonna find discomfort in the strangest places and ill fall in love
you'll see

instantly and permament

and when that tall-somebody comes along, ill be here
i just dont wanna wait
i hope its instantly and permament
thats all im asking for
something permanent
please?

Realization finally came. Its about time, its been too many years

ill be your lover tonight ;)

Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa Geldof

longest name ever!

awe im flattered

a: youre a pretty older woman ,but i cant spit game at you hahahaha

myself: hahah no worries, no one can "spit game" at me

a: oh i see ,well i did my best none the less ,cant say i didnt try

this song melts my heart

my skin age is sixteen :)

i took a skin test thing, and apparently i take good care of it, weeeeird- i never drink water and i never wash my face... this is what it said:

Your Age: 19
Your Skin Age: 16

You are doing a great job of properly caring for your skin! Your skin is actually acting younger than your chronological age, which means you have probably adapted great skin care and healthy lifestyle habits. You understand the importance of taking care of your skin to maintain a beautiful, youthful, and healthy-looking complexion. Keep up the good work and your true age will be your best kept secret!

I'm not frightened

I'm not frightened of anything. The more I suffer, the more I love. Danger will only increase my love, will sharpen it, will give it spice. I will be the only angel you need. You will leave life even more beautiful than you entered it. Heaven will take you back and look at you and say: "Only one thing can make a soul complete and that thing is love."

i dont blame you

It's almost like you had it planned, it's like you smiled and shook my hand and said "Hey, I'm about to screw you over big time." And what was I supposed to do I was stuck in between you in a hard place. We won't talk about the hard place. But I don't blame you anymore thats too much pain to store. It left me half dead. Inside my head. And boy, looking back I see I'm not the girl I used to be when I lost my mind. It saved my life. It's how you wanted it to be. It's like you played a joke on me and I lost a friend in the end. And I think that I cried for days. But now that seems light years away. And I'm never going back to who I was. 'Cause I don't blame you anymore. That's too much pain to store. It left me half dead...

Love is a temporary madness.

It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

anew anew

i'm ready for your genial joke.
an abstract accusation
is never null my man,
souls seek souls,
life lacks love,
but beware backstabbing boy,
you're young yet you yearn years,
alive, aware and always aggressive,
devils don't die,
and angels abask, you're insane.

i just really have to stop

thinking that my feelings for you will ever be requited
totally irrelevaaaaannnntttt

above all else

guard your heart, for it is the well-spring of life♥

the greatest

lower me down, pin me in
secure the grounds for the later parade

go lay by your dish!

via BlackBerry

this is how we learn

down-syndrom and i cant sleep

anti-socialllllllllll

chris: "i see a friend in you, i hope we become the best"
me: "sorry but i dont make friends"

these are the times when love comes in to my eyes, and i fall in love with myself all over again<3

Doing things differently makes somethings exceptional

via BlackBerry

YOUTH IN REVOLT

dance with me

Happy birthday, Alan!

via BlackBerry

Don't believe the hype

via BlackBerry

i beg your pardon?

check what’s in the trash bag
well just a little part of you

Kiss of Life

A thousand butterflies your lips to mine
A thousand butterflies your lips to mine
A thousand butterflies your lips to mine

"Oye puto, es mejor que se vayan, antes de que me los chinge con este cuchillo en el culo"
-Shane (Weeds)

via BlackBerry

there are two tragedies in life

One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it.
George Bernard Shaw

i dont expect anyone to understand

anything i write, after all, this is just another way of therapy, another way to vent haha. but i am using every boy as an excuse to write a new entry, so bring it on!

delirious derelict

awkward, unsure, and insecure- work on it. for a while i saw it, well, in the past month any way. i shouldnt've kept digging, you cant change a person. especially when theyre trying to change you. if having to sensor my thoughts was a daily struggle, then i should've forseen it. i have no intentions of being locked up in my own mind ever again, its a harmful way to blind someone, even more so if its my self.

this time it isnt killing me, im unpainfully aware. cautious, and surprisingly not angry at the world. need i say, you do deserve the 'dumb ass of the century' award. im just not quite sure why someone would want to hurt another with a stupid vendetta and react like your behavior wasnt correctly displayed. honestly, im sure no time will be wasted- i can already see it. prowlin' around will be so easy, happy hunting!

goodbye delirious derelict

im sure you can shake the weight off

hahahahah im having the worst laugh attack ever!!!!!!

steven gained weight: from alexi wasser on Vimeo.

outttttttt with the old

in with the new!

courtshipdating

how do i feel for thee
your smile brings disease
cuz we're young
willing from the start

when your skin is shed
find a pile of your head
now then i'll look so smart

stove burns on my hands
show them to my friends
make you participate

eyes roll back around
limbs fall to the ground
seasoned to procreate

the first to interfere
are culled before the deer
when they wander into the cage

stuff their arms and thighs
then they roll their cardboard eyes
their skin will never age

Sausage Fest 09

Boyfriends on top of boyfriends, its a never-ending landfill. The cycle repeats itself, who shall be the next constestant? Stay tuned to find out...

via BlackBerry

sloppy seconds

no thank you, sir! take back your words and eat them up, this aint no place to be runnin' your mouth like it aint no thang
actions speak louder than words, but no one's waiting for a sign anymore- im alive! im in love, i can feel it in my bones again
my heart is beautifully beating at the rhythm of your footsteps, thank the holy grail for our lives, thank that man who stole my heart
ill thank him many many times, 'til these lips turn to dust
nothing i do will ever amount to the endless love my heart keeps pouring out
its overflowing, everlasting, so amazing to my soul

I'll have to teach you

wildfox

i dont mean to return the favor, but enough is enough. my heart isn't that type of a dirty player, i play it fairly. this leaf had been floating and i got tired of watching it there so i turned it over ;)

Someone true would be ideal

via BlackBerry

heebie jeebiessss

and sometimes i begin to giggle and it turns into a laugh attack and i find myself gasping for air

how stupid a love affair has become, swapping spit and you still dont know what it means
wallowing is for the hopeless, and i already forgot what that is woh woh wohhh :)

Nun 1: "Omg what's wrong with you?"
Nun 2: "What? I didn't start this war but its on!"

via BlackBerry

I speak in sarcasm

to relate to all the things I appreciate, I lie in rhythm to open doors, I follow suit and just want more. My reputation is the same its been, and I don't care what happens. I read the book so I know the end, I've probably said too much, But I've never felt more accomplished

What do you have to offer the world? Search deep inside, and let it surface

via BlackBerry

If you play with fire, you're gonna get burned

via BlackBerry

i wish i could just shake you and make you understand that this feeling is immense
i cant destroy it, i wish you'd understand, i just want to follow its trail and not care whether its the right or wrong thing to do, i know its the compulsive in me talking, but how will we ever know?

Learn how to train your thoughts as thoughts and nothing too real- your greatest fault

via BlackBerry

Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?

the feeling is consuming me and increasing in size
and starting to realize i will never amount is just another check off my list
the scar is still there but you cant kill something that's already been dead

classic

move

Family is Everything

no questions asked

im gonna bury myself in blankets and hope i get lost

i should've

moved to washington...

Y

do i even botherrr?

je ne t'aime plus

^{i lied}

Cancer Woman

I can be at your knees if I want to
I will change if I have to
I will plead with no remorse
But I will not lose myself*

i can do anything

i want, bcos i look good in leather

EP02 Zen Babes from Bronques on Vimeo.

i know i know i know

thousands of miles yeah you cry like a baby....lalala
victor is horny all the time

i dont think youre ready for this jelly

you hate me okbai

the body breaks

The body breaks and the body is fine
I'm open to yours and I'm open to mine
The body aches and that ache takes it time
But you'll get over yours and I'll get over mine
And the sun will shine
And the moon will rise
The body calls
Yeah the body it calls out
It whispers at first but it ends with a shout
The body burns
Yeah the body burns strong
Until mine is with yours
Then mine will burn on
My flesh sings out
It sings come put me out
The body sways like the wind on a swing
A bridge through a hoop
Or a lake through a ring
The body stays and then the body moves on
And I'd really rather not dwell on when yours will be gone
But within the dark
There is a shine
One tiny spark
That's yours and mine

electric relaxation

a tribe called quest mhmmm ;)

sex and the city

the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. and if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous!
-carrie bradshaw

Whatever happened to

insisto mihi, ego mos insisto vos?

i hope this doesnt hurt. either way, you wouldnt know comfort even if it slapped you across the face. security, you dont own it..

littledesertblues

You are calm and reposed, let your beauty unfold. Pale white like the skin stretched over your bones. Spring keeps you ever close. You are second hand smoke. You are so fragile and thin, standing trial for your sins, holding onto yourself the best you can. You are the smell before rain, you are the blood in my veins.

i have officially

lost all yearning

Max Ehrmann

The Desiderata Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble, it’s a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

does it ever go?

so when your heart still grows for a love of old, tell me does it ever go? and when your earth still shakes for the sight of him, tell me does it ever go? oh this love, does it go? and when your mind cant find a moment of rest, and when your ears cant hear but only his moans, tell me… does it ever go? oh this love, does it go? i can no longer bear to love what i no longer have, he has left me here to die, i dont wanna love him anymore, so wont you go? oh love, won’t you go?

and then the thought came into my head: what if i dont find somebody else? what if you do? then what? im gonna forget about what i love most in my life right now. right now? so if this is only temporary why even have to fall in love with anybody? just for the feeling of it? i dont think its fair at all to be allowed to be put into the situation where you let someone in so deep so impulsively and so blindly, just so one day you realize that bubble’s gonna burst.



make a plan to love me…

bi-racial butterflies

my ama stretched out her skin and shared her coat for me, i wear her everyday

my papa has been absent, but his blood strongly flows throughout me

linda was their present and festivities were greatly overjoyed

papa was erased from the picture and soon was MIA

who art thou? sometimes, it seems like those things don’t matter, until you really think about it and start going through a mental-traffic frenzy. i know where ama grew up and i know where she comes from. fonzie-no-show on the other hand, became mystery papa. “detective” linda became curious, decided to talk to nana matilde the only one who would really know. matilde, who is straight out of an indian tribe in la paz, was very unwillingly and undiscrete as always, “we’re from here, just right here, your grandfather-that bastard he doesnt matter, hes no one, never showed up, and abandoned us when your papa was just five”

tia esther, and tia jahny said tata márquez was a chicano, with mama of lebanese and saudi arabian decent, and papa of chicano-spanish roots

so who are you after that? it surely doesnt give you an identity, you are who you are, your identity is. are you latino, hispanic, middle eastern? arabic? huh? what? who? where? does it even matter? we’re all bi-racial off-springs creating an even more tangled web

not so painful anymore

i havent found anyone, nor will i find anyone. i wont find anyone bcos i dont need anyone, i dont need someone to complete me, i should be able to find that within myself. God has given me the tools i need to live, and i shall figure out what they are

In a perfect world

there wouldn’t be love. No debt to hold on to, and nothing to return. No affection, no passion. Everything would just, be. No one would await for another, no pain to be gathered. A simple string to tie one from the other, like morning glories on a vine. We’re just a bunch of matter, collecting dust as we go along. We- would just… Be.

Fuck you, Lucy! Fuck you very much!

We are responsible for our own actions, take responsibilty. You chose this. Like an oleander, a lily, and a hibiscus, you stay wide open. A receiver. Like a morning glory, I wait dangling on a vine, until the sun comes back, I open up and I’m home. Everytime the sun is gone, I’m lifeless, just as before. Time goes, never waits, never returns. I just wish you would’ve realized that I wasn’t the one for you sooner. The damage is done, you can’t take anything back. It’s really odd that you can say I wasn’t interested in you, when you were the only person I ever wanted to be around. And you’re right, who wants to be with someone if they weren’t 100% happy, or the person of their dreams?

I hope someday I find someone who can take my sarcasm the right way, someone who I can share my life with. Actually no, I hope theres no one to find at all, yet I really hope you rot in your own dreams with your “dream girl”

neu slang

needless to say, ive lost my voice. the sprinklers went off, and the sweat melted right in. round and round, three times, sometimes four. intertwined on a fata morgana, until the dumbass fell off. this is only the beginning, so build yourself a nest of myrrh twigs, and ignite. All feelings aside, all feelings forgotten. In due time, reborn anew to live again

...said baby listen

For every moment you waste, there's another right behind it to take it's place
Cause life goes on when it ain't so sweet
Don't give up on it
Get back on your feet
You can take another breath you gon' be okay
Just smile, forget yesterday

No more ritual fertility

I'm fasting.

and add this to my list as well

constantly bragging

+ call susan and get that jobbbbbbb!
+ move out
+ pay $169/m
+ traffic school
+ renew car insurance in september
+ laptop
+ pay mom $500 ...eventually, maybe $100 every month
+ pay cell phone bill monthly :(
+ DO WELL IN SCHOOL

good ambitions, lame ass torture

IT SHALL BE DONE.