12.13.2010
12.07.2010
thankyoudear
hey thanks, for making me feel fluttery, flattery hasn't been your best skill, but it worked. sorry for my lack of commitment, and my twisted state of mind that keeps this from being "labeled". but where i lack, you make up; and we've come down to the nitty gritty of things and come to a mutual understanding where eye meets eye. regardless, im keeping you.
12.04.2010
11.30.2010
11.24.2010
11.21.2010
11.17.2010
11.15.2010
I said I fucking love you!
*I said I fucking love you!
--i fucking love you more!
* More than all the fishies in the water and all the raindrops in the sea?
--way more!
<3
--i fucking love you more!
* More than all the fishies in the water and all the raindrops in the sea?
--way more!
<3
11.13.2010
i saved you a gummie worm
so i suppose i should start writing about this, i guess its safe to say im pretty worn out but still open to the possibility of ...well, i dont know what word i could give it and i'd rather not say 'love' or anything even close to it, just a couple steps below that. whatever word that would substitute for it, doesnt exist. however, im more than sure im open to realizing that there might be someone out there who wants me back just as much, or even more, than i want them. in this case, i already know, and i also know im rambling on about everything other than saying how I'M feeling about this, but the truth is, i dont know how or where to begin with it. whichever way i start, all i feel like sharing at the moment is: i like kissing. him. a lot. and all the stupid gushy feelings that come rushing in... yadda yadda.... that much, i will admit. the rest, i'll keep to myself.
11.12.2010
lady&thetramp
i remember the days when lady & the tramp was actually a big part of my life, and the only thing important to me :)
Joan of Arc - Fleshy Jeffrey
oh it's a small town and everyone's in on it, but don't be ashamed to
name what you want, and don't be afraid to say what you mean. name your needs however you need name 'em
name what you want, and don't be afraid to say what you mean. name your needs however you need name 'em
11.10.2010
11.09.2010
11.08.2010
wild&free
he said he misses me and i told him not to. the words have been stuck in my throat, the word vomit is right about ready to do what it does, i dont recognize this rubbish, and i realize i know this feeling. damn it, and thats when it happened... i gave myself to him.
dont ever fucking question that
I hear the whispers of the wind trying to get me to grin, gassing' me up about the love that I plucked and I've been stuck within, for every eclipse that stares at me from the other side of a paper cup of espresso, I light a match beneath a kettle, and for ever set of lips that become attached and equipped with that program to seek success, i bleed my ethics out a slow drippppp
11.05.2010
11.03.2010
11.02.2010
i can relate, relate so hard to relate!
FROM IMBOYCRAZY.COM : http://imboycrazy.com/2010/11/the-downfalls-of-a-new-crush/
Oh shit, I just remembered what it feels like to have a new crush. suddenly every-thing’s flooding back: All my weird behavior and neurosis that run though my mind when I meet a new boy and let him get close to me. Late night make outs are fun, until I get that intense fear of being looked at as a burden and the guy asking me to leave the minute he cums. So I get defensive and dressed before he has to silently panic that I might spend the night. I won’t even entertain the idea that he might actually mean what he says- if/when he says ‘you should sleep over.’ I feel like everything’s a lie. That the longer he knows me, the longer I’m near him- the quicker my appeal and mystique fades.
So I try to be one step ahead of the game. even if he says and does only nice things and is smiling- I’ll totally write his evil narrative for him! I know how he really feels. right? He wants me to go. He’s over it. I’m a hassle. I’m in the way. So I act tough and make jokes to deflect being vulnerable or needy or sensitive. If I just keep moving I’ll be fine. Being alone is so much easier, cuz you don’t have to deal with seeing yourself and your behavior reflected in someone else.
I wonder if I’ll ever break this habit. I don’t know how I could. My mind is always going! And the sad thing is, what if I’m just hyper aware/tuned in to the reality of the situation? What if I’m right? The saying: ’show me a beautiful woman, and I’ll show you a man who’s tired of fucking her’ makes me so sad. I never want someone to be bored with me. I always want to be special. But if that ultimately fades with every guy you meet, then I have to be ready to protect myself and close off at a moments notice.
I hate how hard it is for me to believe that a man might really want to hold me all night. I hate believing every negative thing my father or my guy friends have ever said about women in my presence. Wahhh, boo hoo! i have daddy issues! Yawn. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure I punch myself in the face for my cliche bullshit- on your and my behalf! But I still make it difficult to live in my skin sometimes. Am I intuitive, damaged, or just haven’t found the right guy yet? I’m all of the above. And the thing is, I’m not even looking for validation from a man anyways! I’m happy. The happiest I’ve ever been in my life. But it’s scary to think that if I just want to be happy and coexist with/alongside someone of the opposite sex, who’s cute and fun to be around- I make it so hard for myself.
So until I figure it out, I’ll just continue to go on slight emotional roller coasters when I have rendezvous with boys. a night-time get together/hang out sesh goes like this: I start off nervous, then become happy, making jokes, which leads to kissing and rolling around like 15 year olds, which leads to sexy times USA/intense kissing and deep eye contact, which leads to my feeling emotionally safe, which leads to me either giving a blow-job or having sex, which leads me to shutdown the minute it’s over and I see that the dude looks sleepy and way too relaxed to chat or do anything else but sleep. meanwhile, I’m having an internal panic, which the dude has no clue I’m having- where I decide he hates me and wants me out of his sight and is closed for business. So I smile and say, ‘I’m going home’. And even if/as he walks me to my car, I feel like he’s annoyed by the obligation. And I know he’s so relived to be rid of me.
Yeah, I’ve really got to stop this. Cuz it’s as painful and self destructive as cutting, binge eating, and/or picking at your face.
xo/I love you, Alexi
ps: or maybe i just wanna get my clothes on and go home so i can watch the shows i dvr’d, check facebook, perez, twitter, craigslist missed connections, and have a mini snack and/or earl gray tea with half and half and honey, take a bath, and sleep in my own bed (cuz i can’t sleep in someone else’s bed or have them sleep in mine early on in knowing them). hmmm. at this point in my life, i’d say it’s 50/50. either way, I’m aware of how i am and i hope it gets easier! xo, me
Oh shit, I just remembered what it feels like to have a new crush. suddenly every-thing’s flooding back: All my weird behavior and neurosis that run though my mind when I meet a new boy and let him get close to me. Late night make outs are fun, until I get that intense fear of being looked at as a burden and the guy asking me to leave the minute he cums. So I get defensive and dressed before he has to silently panic that I might spend the night. I won’t even entertain the idea that he might actually mean what he says- if/when he says ‘you should sleep over.’ I feel like everything’s a lie. That the longer he knows me, the longer I’m near him- the quicker my appeal and mystique fades.
So I try to be one step ahead of the game. even if he says and does only nice things and is smiling- I’ll totally write his evil narrative for him! I know how he really feels. right? He wants me to go. He’s over it. I’m a hassle. I’m in the way. So I act tough and make jokes to deflect being vulnerable or needy or sensitive. If I just keep moving I’ll be fine. Being alone is so much easier, cuz you don’t have to deal with seeing yourself and your behavior reflected in someone else.
I wonder if I’ll ever break this habit. I don’t know how I could. My mind is always going! And the sad thing is, what if I’m just hyper aware/tuned in to the reality of the situation? What if I’m right? The saying: ’show me a beautiful woman, and I’ll show you a man who’s tired of fucking her’ makes me so sad. I never want someone to be bored with me. I always want to be special. But if that ultimately fades with every guy you meet, then I have to be ready to protect myself and close off at a moments notice.
I hate how hard it is for me to believe that a man might really want to hold me all night. I hate believing every negative thing my father or my guy friends have ever said about women in my presence. Wahhh, boo hoo! i have daddy issues! Yawn. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure I punch myself in the face for my cliche bullshit- on your and my behalf! But I still make it difficult to live in my skin sometimes. Am I intuitive, damaged, or just haven’t found the right guy yet? I’m all of the above. And the thing is, I’m not even looking for validation from a man anyways! I’m happy. The happiest I’ve ever been in my life. But it’s scary to think that if I just want to be happy and coexist with/alongside someone of the opposite sex, who’s cute and fun to be around- I make it so hard for myself.
So until I figure it out, I’ll just continue to go on slight emotional roller coasters when I have rendezvous with boys. a night-time get together/hang out sesh goes like this: I start off nervous, then become happy, making jokes, which leads to kissing and rolling around like 15 year olds, which leads to sexy times USA/intense kissing and deep eye contact, which leads to my feeling emotionally safe, which leads to me either giving a blow-job or having sex, which leads me to shutdown the minute it’s over and I see that the dude looks sleepy and way too relaxed to chat or do anything else but sleep. meanwhile, I’m having an internal panic, which the dude has no clue I’m having- where I decide he hates me and wants me out of his sight and is closed for business. So I smile and say, ‘I’m going home’. And even if/as he walks me to my car, I feel like he’s annoyed by the obligation. And I know he’s so relived to be rid of me.
Yeah, I’ve really got to stop this. Cuz it’s as painful and self destructive as cutting, binge eating, and/or picking at your face.
xo/I love you, Alexi
ps: or maybe i just wanna get my clothes on and go home so i can watch the shows i dvr’d, check facebook, perez, twitter, craigslist missed connections, and have a mini snack and/or earl gray tea with half and half and honey, take a bath, and sleep in my own bed (cuz i can’t sleep in someone else’s bed or have them sleep in mine early on in knowing them). hmmm. at this point in my life, i’d say it’s 50/50. either way, I’m aware of how i am and i hope it gets easier! xo, me
10.30.2010
10.26.2010
10.23.2010
double vision 3OH!3
I'm thinking maybe, I can't have relationships.
'Cause lately, they're not making any sense
'Cause lately, they're not making any sense
10.16.2010
[Never again, bcos it would be pointless] amen mj
* i will never date long-distance again
* i will never date a boy who hasn't planned/hoped for a family of [our :] own
* i will never date a man who is uncomfortable with my L for G-d
* i will never date a man who isn't 10000% supportive/encouraging of my L/service toward/for G-d
* i will never date a man who doesn't write me letters
* i will never date a man who doesn't read my writing, or want to everyday
* i will never date a man who doesn't make me laugh
* i will never date a man who doesn't know what he stands for, what he believes in, or who he is
* i will never date a man who doesn't love and look out for the underdog, the awkward friend, the humble, the lowly, the embarrassed/embarrassing
* i will never date a man i can't be goofy with, i can't tease, i can't foolishly gush about G-d with
* i will never date a man who doesn't LOVE to dance
* i will never date a man who is okay with being apart from me most of the time
* i will never date a man who is okay with putting the people closest to him on hold, but drops anything for people who don't know his middle name, his hopes and dreams, or his fears and insecurities
* i will never date a man who doesn't feed off the Word, or revel in its mysteries
* i will never date a man who bores me
* i will never date a man with double standards
* i will never date a man without convictions
* i will never date a man who thinks that there is a difference between being a 'kid' and being a 'grown-up' and chooses to identify with kid. [versus belief that there are just people who take their living seriously and try to live intentionally and caringly, and people who do not]
* i will never date a man i am more mature than
* i will never date a man who needs a scene or a somebody to have a good time
* i will never date a man who doesn't like to dress up [like for theme parties :]
* i will never date a man i have to censor myself around
* i will never date a man who doesn't adore my family and want to know them more and be their brother/son/grandson/cousin
* i will never date a man who doesn't crave philosophical exchanges
* i will never date a man who doesn't love long rambles and local exploration
* i will never date a man who doesn't want to take trips with me
* i will never date a man who doesn't think about the best way to raise a family
* i will never date a man who hasn't thought about how to be a good dad, husband, household manager, provider
* i will never date a guy who doesn't sing outloud at worship just because he likes to, because he knows and Ls G-d
* i will never date a man who doesn't continually think about/seek how to do G-d's will with the money, time, talent, etc. he's been given on this earth
* i will never be with a man who doesn't 10000% adore/fear G-d and want to give his life to/for Him daily daily daily [not that we won't all have our down days, or confusing bouts, but at the end of the day, trust and submission]
* i will never date again.
i only want to not date. for a long time. just be in this season of singleness and sisterhood. then someday, when the time is right... meet someone who is a friend. and be friends with them. and be better friends with them. then be really good friends with them. then know them really well to the point of knowing when to pick them up when they're down, or leave them alone when they're grumpy, or make fun of them when they're being stubborn, or give them a hug when they're deeply sad... and knowing what they think. and seeing how they live. and trusting what they believe. and respecting it all. and they respect me. and we see eye to eye on almost everything. and we learn to work through conflict well. and we submit to G-d first and foremost. and we have similar hopes and dreams and future forecast :] yah, yah. i know you can't know everything beforehand. i know you can't plan for all the tiny and giant strifes we call life. but i want to be with a man who is on the same wave-length... who doesn't look at me like i'm a freak for thinking about how to raise my unborn children... or for being 100% sure about G-d! i'm tired of not being me because someone else might get uncomfortable. i can't compromise her anymore. she's got her ugly parts, for sure. her smallness, weakness, hard knots, meanness. but perla's the only me i can be. by G-d's grace, i hope i get a little bit better... but He did make me me, and that's who i actually want and like to be :]
* i will never date a boy who hasn't planned/hoped for a family of [our :] own
* i will never date a man who is uncomfortable with my L for G-d
* i will never date a man who isn't 10000% supportive/encouraging of my L/service toward/for G-d
* i will never date a man who doesn't write me letters
* i will never date a man who doesn't read my writing, or want to everyday
* i will never date a man who doesn't make me laugh
* i will never date a man who doesn't know what he stands for, what he believes in, or who he is
* i will never date a man who doesn't love and look out for the underdog, the awkward friend, the humble, the lowly, the embarrassed/embarrassing
* i will never date a man i can't be goofy with, i can't tease, i can't foolishly gush about G-d with
* i will never date a man who doesn't LOVE to dance
* i will never date a man who is okay with being apart from me most of the time
* i will never date a man who is okay with putting the people closest to him on hold, but drops anything for people who don't know his middle name, his hopes and dreams, or his fears and insecurities
* i will never date a man who doesn't feed off the Word, or revel in its mysteries
* i will never date a man who bores me
* i will never date a man with double standards
* i will never date a man without convictions
* i will never date a man who thinks that there is a difference between being a 'kid' and being a 'grown-up' and chooses to identify with kid. [versus belief that there are just people who take their living seriously and try to live intentionally and caringly, and people who do not]
* i will never date a man i am more mature than
* i will never date a man who needs a scene or a somebody to have a good time
* i will never date a man who doesn't like to dress up [like for theme parties :]
* i will never date a man i have to censor myself around
* i will never date a man who doesn't adore my family and want to know them more and be their brother/son/grandson/cousin
* i will never date a man who doesn't crave philosophical exchanges
* i will never date a man who doesn't love long rambles and local exploration
* i will never date a man who doesn't want to take trips with me
* i will never date a man who doesn't think about the best way to raise a family
* i will never date a man who hasn't thought about how to be a good dad, husband, household manager, provider
* i will never date a guy who doesn't sing outloud at worship just because he likes to, because he knows and Ls G-d
* i will never date a man who doesn't continually think about/seek how to do G-d's will with the money, time, talent, etc. he's been given on this earth
* i will never be with a man who doesn't 10000% adore/fear G-d and want to give his life to/for Him daily daily daily [not that we won't all have our down days, or confusing bouts, but at the end of the day, trust and submission]
* i will never date again.
i only want to not date. for a long time. just be in this season of singleness and sisterhood. then someday, when the time is right... meet someone who is a friend. and be friends with them. and be better friends with them. then be really good friends with them. then know them really well to the point of knowing when to pick them up when they're down, or leave them alone when they're grumpy, or make fun of them when they're being stubborn, or give them a hug when they're deeply sad... and knowing what they think. and seeing how they live. and trusting what they believe. and respecting it all. and they respect me. and we see eye to eye on almost everything. and we learn to work through conflict well. and we submit to G-d first and foremost. and we have similar hopes and dreams and future forecast :] yah, yah. i know you can't know everything beforehand. i know you can't plan for all the tiny and giant strifes we call life. but i want to be with a man who is on the same wave-length... who doesn't look at me like i'm a freak for thinking about how to raise my unborn children... or for being 100% sure about G-d! i'm tired of not being me because someone else might get uncomfortable. i can't compromise her anymore. she's got her ugly parts, for sure. her smallness, weakness, hard knots, meanness. but perla's the only me i can be. by G-d's grace, i hope i get a little bit better... but He did make me me, and that's who i actually want and like to be :]
10.15.2010
CONSTRUCTION OF AN EMANCIPATOR
Now at the end of everyday I lie awake at night and wait
To feel the wires of my brain get cut and quietly rearranged
And Hear my beaten heart exclaim, 'Still, I refuse to let her go.'"
La Dispute - Damaged Goods
To feel the wires of my brain get cut and quietly rearranged
And Hear my beaten heart exclaim, 'Still, I refuse to let her go.'"
La Dispute - Damaged Goods
10.13.2010
10.11.2010
10.07.2010
mj jacobs
[ i mean, if i were beautiful, strong, an expert archer and could float from tree to tree ]
also, non-dater foreves.
also, non-dater foreves.
10.04.2010
Employers
* Robber's of my Thoughts
International Woman of Leisure
Los Angeles, California, United States
Maintaing a level of Fancy-Ness, Crossing International boarders, Fashionably Challenged and Preaching to The Masses, drinking your booze, talking non-sense, too young to make these decisions, all the while feeling like my body no longer belongs to me... I have no clue how to explain what I do.. If infact, I do anything at all.
* Robber's of my Thoughts
International Woman of Leisure
Los Angeles, California, United States
Maintaing a level of Fancy-Ness, Crossing International boarders, Fashionably Challenged and Preaching to The Masses, drinking your booze, talking non-sense, too young to make these decisions, all the while feeling like my body no longer belongs to me... I have no clue how to explain what I do.. If infact, I do anything at all.
10.03.2010
10.02.2010
9.29.2010
9.22.2010
murrrssss
"Cause I'm tired of getting shot down, put down, & dissed. I wanna be picked up, held tight, & kissed."
9.20.2010
9.17.2010
charmingly
http://www.wkrconcepts.com/nglogs/allquotes.php
"Don't Treat Me Any Differently than You Would the Queen" ... 177, "Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once!"
"Don't Treat Me Any Differently than You Would the Queen" ... 177, "Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once!"
9.16.2010
9.15.2010
californiacation
Marry me girl be my ferry to the world
Be my very own constellation
A teenage bride with a baby inside
Getting high on information
And buy me a star on the boulevard
It's Californication
Be my very own constellation
A teenage bride with a baby inside
Getting high on information
And buy me a star on the boulevard
It's Californication
9.13.2010
geto heaven part dos
"talking to a friend about what love is, her man didnt love her cause he didnt love his. hugged her from afar, said what i felt: youll never find a man until you find yourself. time helps. mistakes you can learn from. cause one man fuck...ed up, men you shouldnt turn from. you want a certain type of guy, gota reach a certain point too. at that destination a king will annoint you. going through the storm many bodies seem warm. that relationship died for you to be born. youre worth more... than anything you can cop in a store. for you to grow he had to go, so what you stopping him for? not even i can ignore being alone is hard. find heaven in yourself and god." - common
9.12.2010
9.11.2010
9.08.2010
9.07.2010
9.05.2010
jimmyleeeeee
people are like books, and if you read the back cover you'll either want to know more about what's inside or you'll throw it away.
8.28.2010
8.25.2010
8.23.2010
8.20.2010
light up-drake
"Don’t get impatient when it takes too long
Drink it all even when it tastes too strong
Yeah, I gotta feel alive, even if it kills me
I promise to always give you me, the real me"
Drink it all even when it tastes too strong
Yeah, I gotta feel alive, even if it kills me
I promise to always give you me, the real me"
8.18.2010
ugh, life...who are you?
you're so sad and depressing, but always so shiny and beautiful. i find it so soft, secure and easy to cry, i think ive learned how to love to cry. before 2009, or 2010 even started, i hadn't really cried. didnt like to cry. wouldnt think about it, bcos the thought of it would make me sick. im so different, so changed, i realize that life has brought these twists and turns towards me to learn, to drink it all up and find your better/worse inner self. i love the way it feels the tide is calm and just the perfect temperature, the way the sky turns pink every time i think about it. everything feels to be where it should be, the wrong bones in the right place, the smile in my heart. i dont feel numb, i can feel it all :)
excerpt from garden state.... GET OFF ME, IM NOT YOUR HOME!
andrew largeman:
"you know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? all of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone."
sam:
"i still feel at home in my house."
...
andrew largeman:
"you'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's just gone. and you can never get it back. it's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist anymore. i mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. you won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. i miss the idea of it. maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place."
- GARDEN STATE
"you know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? all of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone."
sam:
"i still feel at home in my house."
...
andrew largeman:
"you'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's just gone. and you can never get it back. it's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist anymore. i mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. you won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. i miss the idea of it. maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place."
- GARDEN STATE
Death Cab for Cutie: Tiny Vessels.
We'll pretend that it meant something so much more. But it was vile. & it was cheap. & you are beautiful. But you don't mean a thing to me.
8.17.2010
8.15.2010
8.13.2010
eminem
“We touch, I feel a rush, we clutch, it isn’t much But it’s enough to make me wonder what’s in store for us It’s lust, it’s torturous, you must be a sorceress Cuz you just, did the impossible, gained my trust Don’t play games it’ll be dangerous if you fuck me over Cuz if I get burnt, I’ma show ya what it’s like to hurt Cuz I’ve been treated like dirt befo’ ya And love is “evol”, spell it backwards, I’ll show ya” -eminem
8.12.2010
phyllllll
Is anything or anyone special to anyone anymore? Everything u 'need' is so accessible and at ur finger tips that you forget what it feels like to have a bond with a person
8.06.2010
8.02.2010
8.01.2010
fish gotta swim and birds gotta fly, I gotta love one man til I die.
http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/showboat/canthelplovindatman.htm
Men suck 4L
As good as it gets, i never wish to return to the place where i depend on another's emotions and get sucked into their turmoil
7.30.2010
Kylie Knight
i guess we can all just pretend, right? to be polite, give in, and get over it, your opinion doesn't matter anymore, it's all been said, you're alive, but love is dead
7.29.2010
cute quote
"Once in a while, you'll meet someone who's iridescent, and when u do, no one will ever compare"
Pace is the trick
and i guess i should let ac have his moments, i mean, we all have them. everyone gets bummed and whatnot. its not something i have control over, y'know. maybe i helped in some way or another. eh leave it be
7.25.2010
7.24.2010
no home for you
YEAH, AND YOU'LL CONTINUE TO GO ON WITHOUT A HOME, BCOS THERE ISNT A HOME LIKE MINE. MOTHERFUCKER.
7.22.2010
7.21.2010
marzie
Getting your heartbroken is like the phantom limb syndrome, you've lost it but you still feel it there. it's torture
7.19.2010
7.18.2010
7.16.2010
sitting waiting wishing
Now I was sitting waiting wishing
That you believed in superstitions
Then maybe you'd see the signs
But Lord knows that this world is cruel
And I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool
Learning loving somebody don't make them love you
Must I always be waiting waiting on you?
Must I always be playing playing your fool?
I sing ya songs I dance a dance
I gave ya friends all a chance
Putting up with them wasn't worth never having you
And maybe you been through this before
But it's my first time
So please ignore
The next few lines cause they're directed at you
I can't always be waiting waiting on you
I can't always be playing playing your fool
I keep playing your part
But it's not my scene
Wont this plot not twist?
I've had enough mystery.
Keep building me up, then shooting me down
Well I'm already down
Just wait a minute
Just sitting waiting
Just wait a minute
Just sitting waiting
Well if I was in your position
I'd put down all my ammunition
I'd wondered why'd it taken me so long
But Lord knows that I'm not you
And If I was I wouldn't be so cruel
Cause waiting on love ain't so easy to do
That you believed in superstitions
Then maybe you'd see the signs
But Lord knows that this world is cruel
And I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool
Learning loving somebody don't make them love you
Must I always be waiting waiting on you?
Must I always be playing playing your fool?
I sing ya songs I dance a dance
I gave ya friends all a chance
Putting up with them wasn't worth never having you
And maybe you been through this before
But it's my first time
So please ignore
The next few lines cause they're directed at you
I can't always be waiting waiting on you
I can't always be playing playing your fool
I keep playing your part
But it's not my scene
Wont this plot not twist?
I've had enough mystery.
Keep building me up, then shooting me down
Well I'm already down
Just wait a minute
Just sitting waiting
Just wait a minute
Just sitting waiting
Well if I was in your position
I'd put down all my ammunition
I'd wondered why'd it taken me so long
But Lord knows that I'm not you
And If I was I wouldn't be so cruel
Cause waiting on love ain't so easy to do
7.11.2010
7.08.2010
6.30.2010
Ugly & rotten
I know you stick around bcos you're not ready to be alone, I still dont know why I let you. Hang me out to dry or speak up. I'm not saying another word or spilling another feeling, I'm empty as is.
Do you deserve the attention? No, you don't deserve my affection either
I go through a bipolar roller coaster for days out of the confusion you've put me in. I know that everything I do, and everything I feel is still very much unrequited and I should put you off, for good. It takes strength to do it, and I must be weak bcos I can't. I should have learned my lesson a long time ago but I keep staying in the same situation, I keep on keepin' on and its leaving me restless
Do you deserve the attention? No, you don't deserve my affection either
I go through a bipolar roller coaster for days out of the confusion you've put me in. I know that everything I do, and everything I feel is still very much unrequited and I should put you off, for good. It takes strength to do it, and I must be weak bcos I can't. I should have learned my lesson a long time ago but I keep staying in the same situation, I keep on keepin' on and its leaving me restless
6.28.2010
go after what you want
If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place.
6.25.2010
6.23.2010
I'm just so tired
...of keeping everything a secret. Its been half a year, quit haunting me. I can't speak, breathe, or find any good vibes. I cant stop feeling so much rejection left and right. I keep kicking myself, but I won't give up my self-control
6.21.2010
when people have problems...
"i was lonely, you weren't there for me!" im moving on, you havent given me what i need
6.20.2010
happy list
devendra banhart- baby
passion pit- sleepyhead
devendra banhart- feel just like a child
had a dream with aaron garcia and booboo carlos hernandez in it
if only it was real!
passion pit- sleepyhead
devendra banhart- feel just like a child
had a dream with aaron garcia and booboo carlos hernandez in it
if only it was real!
6.15.2010
thanks alexi wasser!
7. sometimes you have to make hard decisions that will make people angry. stand by your decision and be strong. you can’t please everybody all the time. you have to take care of you first!
6.14.2010
6.10.2010
Need you-Travie McCoy
I'm thinking now's the time,
Maybe its time to go, if I gave you my heart, be gentle,
I'm tired of laying low, lets give the world a show
And when you know, you know
Maybe its time to go, if I gave you my heart, be gentle,
I'm tired of laying low, lets give the world a show
And when you know, you know
6.06.2010
Black keys for days and this is how I feel
tried 'em on for size, just to find that i proved myself right, he is no fit for me
6.04.2010
6.03.2010
Said it hurts so good, but it can sting
being in a relationship is not a fairy tale. you make a choice every day, to be there.
5.31.2010
5.26.2010
5.25.2010
5.24.2010
Sink into me pt 2
and i look back and see all the ways that he mistreated me, and i remind myself that it was never going to work. he wants me to change, but in reality, hes blinding his own self from the things he should be changing too. focused too much on my flaws he forgets about his own. i know it wont change, we wont change. blah blah. part deux
the new.
I wish I could live free
Hope it's not beyond me
Settling down takes time
One day we'll live together
And life will be better
I have it here, yeah, in my mind
Baby, you know someday you'll slow
And baby, my hearts been breaking.
Hope it's not beyond me
Settling down takes time
One day we'll live together
And life will be better
I have it here, yeah, in my mind
Baby, you know someday you'll slow
And baby, my hearts been breaking.
5.23.2010
Sink into me pt 1
alright lets start this shit. no more bullshit. blood guts & pussy. just kidding.
gonna live without Val, ive done it before, i can do it again. i know, and understand that this isnt gonna happen right now, and it might not happen again in this lifetime. I'm okay with that. I'm comfortably confused, but I will not be giving in, not here, not now.
gonna live without Val, ive done it before, i can do it again. i know, and understand that this isnt gonna happen right now, and it might not happen again in this lifetime. I'm okay with that. I'm comfortably confused, but I will not be giving in, not here, not now.
5.20.2010
my conversation
well in a way, i dont wanna date, i just want to feel complete and be at that point in my life where i dont have to search for anything anymore. i dont ever want to have a boyfriend again, until im really looking for something serious. when im ready for something that im sure will be a big deal then sure, but you know.. i mean, ill accept an exclusive thing, but i dont want titles.
5.14.2010
rycar
As much as i realized how self-destructive my thoughts and actions were, i kept being drawn by my love-hungry heart to deceptive ways of gaining a sense of self-worth. I lived a life marked by great self-confidence success, and fame, followed by many painful losses, disappointments and failures. Through it all i had moved from the exterior light to the interior light.
5.13.2010
5.10.2010
Tj: Wanna come over when your up n rdy? Im off work. Ps ill pay for your gas :] and no that's not a bribe
Me: Haha sure, and that totally sounds like a bribe to me. BUT ill only go if u tweet about your undying love for geoff! :P ill be there around 11
Twitter---
@Shakkafari: Geoff rowley is a sexy beast and I have an undying love towards him
@_pearlss: @Shakkafari that didn't even sound sincere...try again!
@Shakkafari: i love you geoff rowely.
@Shakkafari: geoff rowely, i know we've nvr met or you dont even know who i am but i feel like we have a connection.. theres this tingling sensation
@_pearlss: @Shakkafari that was perfect! :D
@Shakkafari: @_pearlss is that sincere enough?!
<3
5.06.2010
5.04.2010
5.01.2010
4.30.2010
4.28.2010
4.27.2010
mhm
You trick your lovers that you're wicked and divine.You may be a sinner, but your innocence is mine.
4.25.2010
4.22.2010
Y asi sera
prometo en nunca enamorarme, no es necesario. y si lo paza, prometo en arrancarme el corazon de donde esta escondido y quemarlo...
No, I don't want back in your head
When I get a little scared, I run, run, run
When I jerk away from holding hands with you
I know these habits hurt important parts of you
Remember when I was sweet and unexplainable?
When I jerk away from holding hands with you
I know these habits hurt important parts of you
Remember when I was sweet and unexplainable?
muthafucka this is what u get
its funny how much power i still have over you
its funny how much i can abuse it
mwahahaha
its funny how much i can abuse it
mwahahaha
4.21.2010
4.12.2010
I hate you Hawaii!
Tj: Hey, the weddings over. Its been a super crazy hectic exciting amazing day and I just wanted to say goodnight, which your probably asleep already :P NIGHT
miss ya <3
and now, three days to go...
miss ya <3
and now, three days to go...
4.11.2010
4.10.2010
break on through!
gaaahhh even though were in a 3 hour time difference, it still works... up until i have to sleep. i think this is the longest i could go on with a long distance relationship.... if u can even call it that since its just his vacation lol. whatever, he comes home on wednesday! its about time! saving up for euro nonsense this summer, but we'll see ;)
4.09.2010
Progressed embraced and laced
Tj: <3
Perla: I'm not sharing you with steven. End of story!
Tj: I'm all yours
4.08.2010
4.06.2010
major LOL
steff: so dolby asked me, "hey is perla single?"
perla: hahah i thought he was gay!
steff: hahah *bursts out laughing* yeah and i told him, "umm, i dont..know. shes single but shes kinda talking to someone, so i dont know, youre gonna have to ask her"
perla: hahah i thought he was gay!
steff: hahah *bursts out laughing* yeah and i told him, "umm, i dont..know. shes single but shes kinda talking to someone, so i dont know, youre gonna have to ask her"
4.02.2010
4.01.2010
APRIL FOOLS
i said, "I'm going straight edge. And I mean... all the way, vegan and everything"
Bergett said, "I won't let you die" hahaha
Bergett said, "I won't let you die" hahaha
3.31.2010
3.30.2010
Unda presh presh pressure
Insanity laughs under pressure were cracking
Cant we give ourselves one more chance?
Why can't we give love one more chance?
Why can't we give love give love give love?
Give love give love give love give love give love
Cause loves such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care
For people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our way
Of caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves under pressure
Under pressure pressure
Cant we give ourselves one more chance?
Why can't we give love one more chance?
Why can't we give love give love give love?
Give love give love give love give love give love
Cause loves such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care
For people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our way
Of caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves under pressure
Under pressure pressure
bring me back indonesian kisses
Perla: Ahh and I miss your kisses too! Hurry back, I still haven't figured out how to kiss myself haha. And I suppose if u feel the need to replace me with a hawaiian girl then I suggest u let me know lol jk
Tj: Now im just on the balcony listening to soothing hawaiian musikk below. Lol don't be silly, your kisses are the only ones that would satisfy! Save me some for when i get back!
Tj: Now im just on the balcony listening to soothing hawaiian musikk below. Lol don't be silly, your kisses are the only ones that would satisfy! Save me some for when i get back!
3.28.2010
better days
Better Days Lyrics
Send "Better Days" Ringtone to your Cell
My old man, he sailed away
By a boat upon the sea
My mother held her head high
And smiled down on me
She said, "Boy, get wise
Work harder, do something with your nights
Look smarter
I promise you it's better days ahead"
And you, you were my friend
When I had nothing to my name
When all the world turned on me
You still treated me the same
And we've been through hell, you and me
Caught drama
Girl tragedy, oh brother
I promise you it's better days ahead
Talk to me, now.
Send "Better Days" Ringtone to your Cell
My old man, he sailed away
By a boat upon the sea
My mother held her head high
And smiled down on me
She said, "Boy, get wise
Work harder, do something with your nights
Look smarter
I promise you it's better days ahead"
And you, you were my friend
When I had nothing to my name
When all the world turned on me
You still treated me the same
And we've been through hell, you and me
Caught drama
Girl tragedy, oh brother
I promise you it's better days ahead
Talk to me, now.
3.25.2010
abran: "arent u the one thats going out with..."
perla: "no! im not going out with anyone..."
abran: "really? i thought u were going out with...ja...cob.. or something like that"
perla: "tom jacobs? i think youre thinking of bergett, bcos shes dating jake -jacob haha"
abran: "what? i thought she was going out with ray?"
perla: "nooooo hahah"
perla: "no! im not going out with anyone..."
abran: "really? i thought u were going out with...ja...cob.. or something like that"
perla: "tom jacobs? i think youre thinking of bergett, bcos shes dating jake -jacob haha"
abran: "what? i thought she was going out with ray?"
perla: "nooooo hahah"
3.24.2010
3.18.2010
3.17.2010
aw the bee's knees
perla: ha i saw your mom when i was leaving
tj: hah did she wave?
perla: no lol i dont think she saw me
tj: she says youre a sweet girl
perla: haha does she wanna eat me?
tj: i said more like sour n sweet, like sour patch kids
perla: woah, then i must be delicious!
tj: mos def<3
tj: hah did she wave?
perla: no lol i dont think she saw me
tj: she says youre a sweet girl
perla: haha does she wanna eat me?
tj: i said more like sour n sweet, like sour patch kids
perla: woah, then i must be delicious!
tj: mos def<3
my little one
My dear, come again, your voice is fading out and in
Out of the laundry bin, I found my innocence again
The dog is always barking at the mainman
Out of the laundry bin, I found my innocence again
The dog is always barking at the mainman
3.16.2010
cant wont dont
alright this love type of thing, no. it cant happen. i refuse to make room for it. wont let it!
3.14.2010
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