La tristesse durera toujours

My Sun. To allow oneself the pleasure of feeling the raw emotion of pain, unbearable. Of heartache? Swallow it instead. I talk about the "transmutation of emotions" day in and out, hell, I even became a therapist because I understood my gifts and my desire to help others in their own grief.


I wrote a poem about you.
prior to today, I had never allowed myself to do so. It could take multiple winters before I allow myself to wallow. In some ways, I want to keep your memory a beautiful and untainted one. The purest of joys that I've ever known. Before you, the last time I had felt this was in my childhood. I lost it somewhere down the line, and never found it again. There's been countless times where I navigate my new world pretending like nothing was snatched from me, but I can't hide it from myself. It has been the most cruel of experiences I've known.

I've been dreaming again this week. I had a dream where I was told we'd meet again, and this isn't the only time I've been told. An akashic reader also told me the same. So I wait. I know there's so much that I keep locked away, and in many ways I block myself from opening that lock.
La tristesse durera toujours.

Forever tethered, all worlds collide.

once bound, always and forever.

for my Son, your essence touched mine.

My star, my Sun

The heart it weeps
It longs for his soul
I couldnt keep him
And i was never given a choice
I would have chosen him a million times over
To keep him
To know him
To hold him
And love him

I felt his essence
And like a star he faded into the dark
My biggest open wound
I love you forever, my star.

My sun