thankyou,mylove

today was the most amazing day of my life, and everyone’s on the same page, we’re all on the same boat. even the weather was perfect. and we layed on grass till the sun moved away and froze off my lips. until the babylandrover is back home, i’ll be getting to school on the harley, and today was a nice ride to school, im glad i can go through the same adrenaline rush everytime i go to school, and the pills help out alot too, but lets not take it during psyche class again, we don’t want a repeat of today, right guys? iloveyou

days so beautiful, even the bees don’t sting. time stands still when you’re in the web with me.

forget not what I forgot, hands full of forget me nots. mostly, shy baby bear with head in honey pots, though often flitting my wings in sunlight and tying tight true lover’s knots

babybabybaby

little baby tramadol. geez. you and i, we are meant to be. we belong together. always and forever. haha.

so heres the deal: stephany got a hold of some of her own tramadol, and told me: “it feels like im barefoot and stepping in warm sand. its good”

but i guess she took more than she should’ve and when she was at work she called me telling me she thought she was gonna die bcos she was sweating, and her stomach hurt.

“my face is numb and im missing an eye” i made fun of her and just said “ahhaa freakn cyclops!”

a couple calls later, she told me , quote-unquote

“i think i have a rash on my face and my mouth feels like i dont have any tonsils, im one deformed bitch and animal collectives my girls just played on the radio” haha much muuch later, i receive yet another call from her, and said, “perla! i peeeeed myself! im at work, and i peed myself! i was throwing up and i peed myself! now im gonna be known as the pusssssssssssy at work! i OD’d but i didnt die…i was so dizzy” awe poor wittle baby, if u cant handle it, dont take it!!!!!

I am growing

larger and larger. slowly and slowly, maybe this made me open up my eyes, to realize that i honestly dont need nothing more, that its my time to grow up, and not be afraid to let go of things. well im doing my growing, and my moving on-ing, im really glad, bcos this life is getting bigger and pushing out the left-overs. at least, one of the things im gaining, is maturity, slowly, but surely its coming. my honesty level has risen and im so happy that i have no bad feelings in my heart. i can say that right now, i am at peace. it feels like bliss ┌∩┐(◕_◕)┌∩┐

“Baby, I don’t make love, I make magic!”

-Uknown

little queen

we all die, the goal of life isn’t to live forever, its to create something that will. I heard once that well behaved women rarely make history, so be a bad ass and don’t regret a thing. I try hard to make people happy, but in reality everyone needs to go out there and find happiness for themselves. I always keep my head up, and you better believe I have never looked back, for everything that occurs happens for a reason. The only thing harder then walking away though, is when you never turn back, ever. try your best at first impressions, cause you only have one kiss, one chance, one dance to be the difference between happily ever after and “yeah she’s just some girl I knew.” When something hurts you, stay mad as long as you can because once it gets you upset. It takes nothing but time to get over it. So you should always be careful on who you waste your time with, they may not be here tomorrow. Although, you should never forget what they did to you, but never let them know that you remember. I feel if you want something, you have to go out there and take what’s yours, because nothing is impossible. Don’t you ever pray when it rains, if you don’t give thanks when it shines, because you don’t deserve it. Always count your blessings, for they’re long gone. My adventure has begun since the day I was born, and you better believe im gonna shine as greatly as the sun, I’ve always been a dreamer. Love is pain, tears, confusion, and will break you down, but also it will give you life. Never think about right and wrong, just live life, cross your fingers and hope for the best. For heavens not a place you go when you die, its that moment in life when you actually feel alive. Goodbyes are harder then anything, face pressed against the glass as a tear rolls down your face, it’ll never leave my mind, but always be thankful that you have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. You’ll go through life, not knowing who to trust, for suspicion not proof, ruins everything. So build walls high enough around your heart, where you think no one will climb to, so when they do you’ll know its right. Everyone makes mistakes, I speak without thinking, act without knowing, but im an amazing lover and a great friend, and God knows I mean well. So many girls need to believe that men and women love each other, that they go home to each other every night and believe that it will happen to them, eventually. Boys, its easy for a good girl to go bad, don’t be that reason. You guys gotta learn how to treat them right because once that good girl is gone, she’s gone forever. Always remember, lucky is the man who is the first love of the woman, luckier is the woman who is the last love of a man. Never fight your feelings, it only makes things complicated and turns into a game, speak your mind and if nothing happens, realize its only for the best. What do you do when he stops loving you? See, you cry a little then wait for the sun to come up, because it always does. Pain is only temporary, its the connections that we make that last forever, and change us in ways you don’t even realize yet. You see, we’re all lying in the gutter but some of us, well were looking at the stars. Most of us are afraid of change, and yet still trying to change things. truth? no such thing. dont ever let your guard down. you never know who’ll use it against you. people are going to hurt you your whole life, its just up to you to decide who’s worth the pain. There are a lot of things I dont know but there are a lot more I do. Love fucks with your head, it makes you do stupid things. noone will ever ever explain it. make your own choices. create yourself. dont let them make or break you. karmas a way of life. what goes around comes around. haters at the end of the day no one cares what you have to say… no one…

i love you

mother nature, but only for today!

cry me a rivah

oh geeez, today in the morning, when victor was over, i was watching the sisterhood of the traveling pants 2, and for some reason, it hit me once again. i remembered how bad of a daughter i had been to my mom throughout 2008, i remembered i told her i didnt want her to even show up at my graduation, i remembered that i hated her, literally, i remembered that i just couldnt stand her, i remembered i was in a deep depression, i remembered how much i hurt her, i remembered. and i cried. and i cried. and i cried. and he just held me. thank you, victor.

It's time

to move far away, i swear i wish i could throw up everything, everybody, things, people, clutter. start over with a fresh clean empty slate. i dont want any of this hate, i love all of you, but it seems like everything’s just getting too distant, and i wish i could just keep everyone and everything, or just lose it all together.

I never.

No, this isn’t that little childhood game we all used to play, “I never…”, this is about realization, and growing up. This is about letting go, and keeping in. I never knew what people meant when they’d say, ‘he’s not boyfriend material’ or girlfriend, whatever, vise versa. I never knew until I met you. I guess, I can say that we all suck at relationships at some point, bcos none of us are professionals, unless you get paid for being called a professional in relationships. But that’s besides my point. We all have to date here and there, to get practice, and practice makes perfect. Today, I realized that I was part of your practice, and it made me laugh, bcos I don’t think you’ll ever get good at this. You actually have to take a being in consideration. You can’t just say what you think you’re feeling, you have to mean it. I already forgot what I was trying to say, but either way, all I really have to say is, practice really WON’T make perfect. At least, not for you.

Rush

I felt my eyes begin to soak in my own teardrops, or whatever that was. It wasn’t a “i’m sad, im mad, im upset, im gonna die” type of cry, it was more like how stephany likes to say, “the innosence layer was broken”. it’s nothing to be ashamed about, its a thing to have, and nurture and give it away one day, just once. but i dont believe that. you can give it away as many times as you want. like blowing butterfly kisses and letting them fly out and travel the world.

no mistakes done here, nor there, just new things experienced, new things. welcome 2009.

Hello, new year!

In the last few months of 2008, I really began to enjoy having my mom’s company, and I’m actually starting to love her all over again. I gave up on my mom, when I had God, and I’m learning to love her, now that I dont have God anymore, whatever you wanna call it, it’s working for me.

…and appearantly, no one has my number.

xox