i will forever hate you, you are no friend of mine

you played us. it aches me so much that i have to pretend like im okay with someone actively trying to hurt me i know my heartaches dissolve so rapidly

The dance into transition.

No one can do it for you, you'll do it alone. And quietly. Or you'll do it running and screamin in flames. 

Goliath, Are you there?

Here i lay, with a heavy heart and a knott in my throat. Can i just remove all my five senses now please? Goliath finally fell, and it shook the ground so loud that it keeps resonating in my chest. Filled with loud thumps and one huge thunder. There's a lesson in this frenzy. I close my eyes for a second and my heart still echoes with a heavy moan. 

i did it all

Reluctantly Im taking a leap into the unknown, with one foot and one foot out still weary of being cautious. Sweet and tenderly you continue to land kisses on my unwoven skin. It's almost 4am and here we lay side by side, aware of our heart beats, continually racing and the realization of this moment still hasn't hit us. Owning every second of this life, Im giving up on the fear of not knowing -- what's on the other side of [whatever], what is and what should be, or any what if's. Threw my arms around you and I'm so happy. Right this moment. Don't know what to make of it, but all I know is- it is here. It's now.

As i sit here in the garcia's home garage, i contempltate whether i should or should not write this. Mostly bcos they have a keg and dont want anyone to come over, i want to make sure i document this magical feeling i have for every good vibe i always get from this household. I love every single human being ive ever encountered under this ceiling and love ever aspect of family theyve given me. Through the roughest circumstances theyve gone through- including death of friends, 

Something in the water

San Diego, you are turning me into someone i dont want to be.

Must be something in the water, its 4am almost 5, and im on my way home from Miguel's house. I wear the biggest smile on my face the whole 15 minutes that i drive down the 805. Which became one of the best experiences life has thrown at me. 

Nutzo

For a while now ive been supressing my thoughts, or just ranting in my mind as if im actually writing a blog in my head. I need to start making it a point to write instead of driving myself insane. I find myself overanalyzing things at work and end up talking to myself out loud while working, "god- im so stupid!" And i'll look around and make sure no one heard me bcos i look and sound crazy. I'll make an entry for each of the things that keep me going crazy.