An end.

Someone once said you get two loves in your life. I feel my second attempt at love is slowly coming to an end. This one, an everlasting scar, and a forever reminder of what could've been. A bittersweet heartache that is steadily taking its toll on my insides. A repeating cycle, one i know too well from past experiences, where my appetite begins to leave me, and my heart ceases to yearn for life. I can feel the color on my face begin to wither away, and already i've begun to hate the nicest things about life. I hate the way i've put all my eggs in one basket and slowly start to realize i should've been more cautious right from the start. I cant imagine going through this again. Liar. my heart of hearts told me this was it. My search was over, i knew it right from the start. So i begin to wonder where to go from here. The wound is there, the pain is real. Its amazing- ecstacy- when its alive.

Basketball

Why do i even bother? Its like i dont even matter. I know im stronger than this, it seems so stupid to cry. The way you make other things seem more important than me really affects me. I dont know how much more of this i can just let slide...

I think of you

I think of you always. 

When we speak, and when days pass.

When you're mad and when you're near. 

I've yet to meet the day i dont think of you, 

On that day my lungs will sink into my ribs,

my heart will thump just one more time,

And my soul float on into tomorrow

Without you i feel nothing.

Wouldnt change a thing

Wouldnt change a thing in my life. I may not have all the riches in the world, but i am rich enough to be able to say i've met the one my heart loves. 

I love you always, fo eva eva...

Memory lane

I havent been here in a while, feels so long ago when i last wrote- i almost feel like were strangers. Throughout my teens and my early adulthood ive found writing as an escape and a stress reliever, and a semi-secret keeper to an extent because most of the secrets intwined in my writings are visible but i can read right into them when i go back. So much has happened, i've loved, lost, yearned, and fallen again, ive grown up and through all this i can always relive any part of it through my writings. I love that. 

I cant believe you just did that!

If i wrote down all the things i was grateful for they'd all start with you. I cant even begin to explain how amazingly complete and content my heart has become since the first time we danced together. The craziest day and for the next 2 days i couldnt stop thinking about you. I kept thinking, 'am i ever gonna run into him again?' And my stomach full of butterflies kept me awake all night. Ever after, we'd communicate over the phone and i'd be anxious in class just drilling my noggin' with questions, 'WHY HASNT HE TEXTED BACK YET?!' Hated how much i'd barely met him and [already] fallen deep. I felt so dumb, like a little girl, but then you tricked me into a kiss and all i said to you was, "OH MY GOD, i cant believe you just did that!" Hahah and you freaked out because you thought 'maybe i shouldnt've done that' but i assured you it was very requited on my behalf but i was still in shock. And to this day, im still in shock. Thats amazing. Sometimes we'll be laying in bed just talking and i'll randomly burst out saying, "i still cant believe you did that!" Thats how i knew.